Letters From a Lover

Letter #9

The chord of my bathrobe hastily thrown over the top of the bedroom door, your wrists bound in its ends. I push the door closed, you can’t reach the handle to free you bonds so now you’re mine. All mine. Our bodies pound into the wood. The walls rattle and the neighbours stir. They hear us crying out. Our joyous cries, the tears of ecstasy. Two people fucking as if their lives depended on it… I realise now that is true than ever before. Without you I could just as easily never take another breath than to draw the next one in. And tragically though my heart is broke, my body keeps breathing just to punish me.

Letter #8

I come home in the dark and I leave the lights off. The cool quiet surrounds me, I don’t need eyes to find my way to the bedroom. In my mind I can see you there, curled up waiting for me. Without a sound I undress as to not wake you. I can almost hear your soft breathing. I can’t wait to slide in next to you to feel your warm skin against me.

The only sounds are the muffled noise from a TV in a neighbouring apartment and footsteps somewhere on the stairs. The sounds of the living in the building that surely must have heard us fucking countless times. They must have heard your screams of delight. The moans, the gasps of pleasure, the sound of flesh hitting flesh, colliding again and again…

But of course they haven’t… You have never set foot in this apartment. You will never again be in this bed. These people who live around me will never hear how hard you can make me come nor I make you… You are not here waiting for me, my bed is as cold as the darkness that surrounds me.

Letter #7

I loved your insatiable appetite for my cock. Any chance you got to put your hands on me I would be in your mouth in moments, pressed all the way to the back of your throat. That coy smile at the corners of your mouth when your lips wrapped around me. Your delight at the taste of me. Your squeals of pleasure when i would come on your face and your disappointment when some was lost to the sheets or the floor, lost and untasted, unsavoured and uncherished by your mouth.

And now we are no more. I won’t find another who loves the taste of me so completely as you did. There will never be another like you.

Letter #6

I realised today that I can always leave the door open for you. That now, even though you sleep in someone else’s arms and that you see no hope for ever returning to me I can leave that door open. I don’t need to put a full stop at the end of that sentence. I don’t need to cut you out of me. I will keep breathing and living even though my heart will still cave in every time I see you. I will keep experiencing pleasure in my life even though in those moments all I can think of is your body against mine, your sweet softness, your insatiable appetite for me.

The door will always be open for you, even if you don’t want it to be. It will always be open, forever.

Letter #5

The only reason I showed up was because I thought you might be there. I promised I would not approach you. But I wanted to see you across the room. I wanted to look up and our eyes meet. I wanted to smile at you. But most of all I wanted you to smile back at me. I wanted to see your face light up with that grin. I wanted to see that spark, that ‘thing’ that captivated me. That coy cheeky grin that all at once reminds me of all the torrid fucking in backseats and on car bonnets. All that furious sex, our flesh colliding again and again, drenched in sweat, spit and cum. I wanted to see that smile, the smile of my pet, my friend, my one true love…

But you never showed up. The crowd didn’t part and I didn’t see you standing there. I miss you more than ever.

Letter #4

In less than 24 hours everyone is going to start counting down from ten very loudly. I don’t know if I will count with them. I don’t know if I will even be near people counting. All I know is that my thoughts will be with you.

I will hold out hope that I will get a message from you. Hours after the streamers have been thrown and the songs have been sung. Long after the parties have died down and the morning light creeps across the horizon. I hope that I find a short message from you telling me that you wished it was me gripping your hand tight as those seconds were counted down. That it was me you kissed during the cheering. That is was me who whispered into your ear, wishing you all the hope and promise of a new year.

I know you won’t send me a message. I know this is just fantasy. But I will hope all the same. That’s all I have left.

Letter #3

Its been months since you left. I found a woman who looks like you. I have known her for years and always found her attractive but never realised the similarities till now.

I took a chance.

As I lay in her arms all I could think about was you. They were your arms around me. Your legs around me. Your soft skin beneath my fingers. Your mouth, your hair. God I could swear it was you. I swear it was a handful of your hair gripped in my hand, i swear it was your mouth pressed hard against mine. And as I kissed her flesh andgently biting her inner thighs it was you I could taste.

She was so much like you… But not. And it broke my heart all over again.

I fear now that every woman I look at, every woman I meet, every woman that I may ever kiss, hold, fuck or love will all be measured against you. And I fear that none will ever measure up.

Letter #2

I woke up in the night and lay there in those moments of incomprehension. Those moments when the fug erases your identity, your past, your present.  The first thing that drew me back to the real world was the smell of your hair. I breathed you in and my mind instantly went back to the night previous. Your body beneath mine, me deep inside you, your soft breath on my ear, my face buried in your hair as I eased into you.  Your softness, your scent all around me.

I turned over, reaching for you. But no, you aren’t here. Of course you aren’t here.

Letter #1

I keep thinking about being inside you. Seeing that look on your face as I push myself into you. I keep thinking about grabbing your hair, pinning you down, twisting your arm behind you and just fucking you as hard as I can. I want to hear you gasp. I want to hear you beg me for it. I want to come on you and in you. Again and again. When can I see you?